The neuroscience of effective conversations - part 1

by Sean Hutchinson, RFN Global

In 2018 at the Exit Planning Institute’s annual Summit, Sean Hutchinson of Ready for Next delivered an 18-minute “Ted Talk” style Power Session on Effective Inquiry. The purpose of the talk was to reframe how we, as advisors, can build immediate trust through more productive conversations with business owners who are considering an exit.

Discovery is tip of the spear in owner engagement and it must be effective, or the transition-readiness process breaks down. Done properly, the discovery process goes well beyond just filling out a questionnaire. Data of any kind is useful of course, but if we fail to uncover “enriched” data, which lives around the edges, we miss an opportunity to fully understand crucial emotional dimensions which may, ultimately, be controlling factors in an owner’s decision to act.

Trust between the interviewer and owner is a necessary precursor to change and it is not easy to build or maintain. We advisors are tempted to jump into data-gathering mode before making an authentic connection with the owner. “Connect before content” is a guiding principle of effective discovery.

As it turns out, science and brain chemistry play a huge role in determining whether the owner will fully engage with and trust us. Neural pathways are designed to govern whether we connect with each other and how. Here’s the bottom-line up front: If you are having trouble engaging owners in transition-readiness, planning and value acceleration conversations, it’s because they’re bored and you likely talk too much.

Humans are social animals. We tend to reflect what is presented to us. We move in the direction of our conversations. The owner’s engagement with us is dependent on our engagement with them – and vice versa. They do not care about eloquent descriptions of our services. They do not want a brochure. They do not care (much) about what we “do.” They care that we are listening carefully and responding authentically, with deep curiosity.

If an advisor takes over an owner’s story by setting boundaries in advance and asking pre-determined interview questions, then the owner will disconnect. Why? Because their brain tells them to.

To give an effective and informed presentation about how the human brain responds to human inquiry, Sean consulted with neuroscientists and behavioralists from around the world. This is what he found out.

There are three brain networks that determine how we interact with ourselves, others and the world around us: the default mode network, the salience network and the executive control network.

In default mode, the brain is in a resting (but not sleeping) state, what might be called the brain’s “idle state.”

The salience network determines which sorts of things tend to be noticed and which tend to fly under the radar. The network sometimes overwhelms the system and there can be consequences. In PTSD, for example, the salience network is constantly scanning for threats and that may overload our ability to manage our emotions.

The executive control network monitors what is going on, manages emotional parts of the brain, directs resources like attention and oversees decisions and choices. The executive control network lies in our Prefrontal Lateral Cortex, the site of reason in the brain.

Prior research suggests the three networks work together when it comes to being creative. Creativity in our discussions with owners is a must. Creativity is a by-product of connection and curiosity. Asking interesting questions clearly signals that we are listening well and standard questions like “do you have a business plan?” are not creative. The owner is not a set of business practices and financial statements. They are a human, highly social and intuitive, and are constantly assessing the value of interactions.

In our advisory work, because good decisions are so important and change is required to prepare for transition, we must activate the executive control network, where focus, attention, motivation and decision-making live.

Our brains are awash in chemicals – literally floating in them. One of the marquis chemicals is dopamine. You’ve no doubt heard of it. If dopamine were a celebrity, it would be a Kardashian. It is a red-carpet chemical that shows up in the news a lot.

But dopamine should not be underestimated– it’s very important. It helps us feel pleasure, which opens us to and reinforces new experiences. Sometimes it gets in the way – dopamine is associated with addiction. But, very importantly, it literally tells our muscles to start moving, to act. When we are bored, we are not benefitting from the dopamine effect. Without it, we tend toward default mode, resting, not actively noticing and disengaged.

As dopamine travels pathways in the brain, it interacts with receptors – one, in this case, deserves our undivided attention – oxytocin. It is the chemical that makes us feel trust.

If you really want to be a trusted advisor – find ways to ply the brain with oxytocin and dopamine. The owner’s brain will literally signal that you are safe.

Although there are many pathways dopamine can travel, the Mesolimbic pathway takes us into the center of decision-making in the brain. Here we start to get feedback signals for reward fulfillment, suggesting that something exciting could surprise us in a good way. A reward is motivating. And motivation leads to action.

Building trust with a client is not just about questioning effectively, it is also about asking quality questions – creative questions beget creative, authentic, meaningful answers. Understanding the science behind human connection can help advisors forge genuine bonds with owner clients and effectively engage them in the exit planning process.