the difference between favourite sweatshirts and favourite conclusions
by Joe Slatter, Better Practice
ENTER NEW PERSON STAGE RIGHT.
Infants are amazing in their capacity to take in the world without filters or judgement. In my experience, their reactions – the looks on their faces, the sounds they make – betray how they perceive their environment:
Wow! That is interesting!
I'd really like to pay attention now but have needs that aren't being met.
When we are first born and start using our senses, everything is a big deal. The smallest dust mote is as important as the family car. Everything is unique. We see the world in high definition and do everything humanly possible to take it all in.
Of course, we can't take it all in so we start grouping things together. Soon enough, we have:
I like that.
I don't like that.
You are the center of my world.
I'd really like to pay attention now but have needs that aren't being met.
FAST FORWARD TWO OR TWENTY YEARS.
Now we've got the world all figured out. We know what is good and what is bad. We can think for ourselves and make judgements... and we do. No longer do we pay as much attention to dust motes. It takes us nanoseconds to put things into their rightful category and pass judgement. We can decide for ourselves what matters and what doesn't.
Now we're getting somewhere! We continue to get better at this categorization and judgement thing. Soon enough we start drawing conclusions about "the way things are." Our vast experience provides a basis for deciding that what we believe is right and anyone who sees it differently is "one of those people" who are wrong. Lucky for our parents who become "one of those people" now and then as we try out our newfound capacity for judgement.
The world is becoming more black and white. Now, we have:
I know!
That is right.
That is wrong.
This is my favorite sweatshirt.
I'd really like to pay attention now but have needs that aren't being met.
A FEW MORE YEARS AND SUDDENLY WE ARE ADULTS.
Okay, NOW we have the world figured out. What we like or want isn't really the point anymore. After all, we live in the real world and just have to accept certain things the way they are. We have responsibilities, including the responsibility of deciding how we live our lives.
We lean heavily on the lessons we learned growing up and from those who we believe to be right. We have come to rely on what we know about how the world works and how people are. These are our favorite conclusions.
Informed by our bedrock of favorite conclusions we use to keep the world manageable, we now have:
I know enough.
That is right enough.
That is wrong enough.
This is my favorite sweatshirt even though it’s out of fashion.
My responsibilities have to come before my needs.
... AND THE WORLD STAYS THE SAME AND WE'VE BEEN RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING ALL ALONG.
Just kidding. Of course, the world changes. Even if it didn't, we can't possibly have been right about everything and everyone all along. As we age, we grow wiser, more confident and begin to understand ourselves better. Hopefully, we start to get a different sense of the world.
The more I learn the less I know.
Learning makes me a better person.
Wearing this old sweatshirt is comforting and I don't care what anyone else thinks about it.
I do my best and I am better when my needs are being met.
Unlike favorite sweatshirts, which should be treasured, favorite conclusions should be viewed with suspicion. Like the world, our opinions and beliefs should evolve as we learn about and experience life. In many ways, this growth is what keeps us young. Maybe dust motes no longer hold the secrets of the universe, but who knows what we might learn when we suspend judgement and approach things with an open mind.
If one of your favorite conclusions is that your needs are secondary to your responsibilities, I leave you with this to consider: in the event of a loss in cabin pressure, put your own mask on before assisting others.
That and if you have a favorite sweatshirt, I suggest wearing it as often as you can.